I have been moping about lately about my job situation, which still hasn’t really been resolved but they are finding busy work to keep me occupied. It has occurred to me – why am I letting this define me??? This job is not who I am. Granted, monetarily I need to work but there is no reason for disappointments here to consume my life.
Worrying about the situation isn’t changing a thing, with the exception of the way my pants fit. I wish I was one of those gals who lost weight when they worried. I have always been a burry it with food emotional eater. Plus, those darn Whopper Robins Eggs that are only available at Easter!
So if my work situation is not in my control, what is? My attitude and reaction to things. I can control my choices not to each junk. Plus my husband has inspired me to get in shape for vacation in 59 days. No, it was not a comment he made – he is smarter than that. He wants to have a family portrait made at the beach. I want to wear a white sundress in the picture, so I need to shed the winter and emotional eating weight.
Also, I can control my attitude about life. I still have a job. I have a wonderful family. I have a nice home. I am so blessed. And I need to thank God for this. That is another area I need to improve – my relationship with God. I must admit over the past year there have been many things I have prayed for that didn’t get answered. That is hard to accept. But I know He is still there for me even thought I have put up a wall between us. I saw Beth Moore’s book, Get Out of That Pit, at Wal-Mart yesterday but I didn’t buy it. Has anyone read this book? Any other recommendations?
I am giving myself a kick in the butt and will quit throwing myself a pity party. Eat right, Smile and Thank God!
I went out for Moms Mexican Margarita Movie night with friends in my neighborhood last night. It is so great to get out with girlfriends and cut-up. We had such a blast that we forgot the movie. I looked at my watch and it was 10 minutes past the start time. Oh well, it is more about the company than the movie.
As the conversation went on we were talking about another neighbor who wasn't there (yes I know not very nice, I blame the margaritas) and neighbor N said, "Well, their 6 year old daughter still sleeps with them."
As I was driving home, neighbor T was riding with me and she confessed to me that her son who is 5 still sleeps with her and her husband. I told her I was so glad she told me because my son too sleeps with us.
Yes, I know there are those of you out there who are thinking: What are they thinking????? Well it isn't exactly something planned. When he was an infant Sweet Boy had severe colic for 6-7 months. As a working mom I did what I had to in order to get some sleep. So he slept on my chest. We transitioned his to his bed and shortly after his first birthday we moved. The new house freaked him out - big time. So to bed with us he went.
We've tried from time to time to get him to sleep in his bed, and then I run out of steam and cave. And truth be known, now I've gotten used to him being there. It is so wonderful to snuggle and kiss his sweet cheeks. Time is going so fast. Soon he won't snuggle with mommy. So I have to take advantage of it now.
My point to this post is neighbor T and I were both ashamed to admit in front of the rest that our children sleep with us. There is one thing I have learned as a parent those thing I said I would never do prior to having a child (like having one sleep with me), I now do. And I don't criticize other parent's parenting. So why am I ashamed to admit this? Fear of being judged?
When I got home Sweet Boy comes running to give me hugs and kisses and tell me he missed me. So wonderful. He then said lets go to your car. When I asked him why we needed to, he told me to get the groceries. How sad is my life that the only place my son thinks I go is the grocery store?????
I think no matter how secure we working moms are with returning to work, child care providers, etc. there is still that nagging doubt that raises its ugly head every now and then.
This morning on the way to daycare my son says he doesn’t want to go to school. When asked why he said, cause I don’t. After much prodding he said he didn’t love his friends and they made him sad and cry. Well that hit me right in the gut. I continued to prod as to what his friends did that made him sad. He said they bit and kicked him. Momma Bear in me told him that when they did, he needed to shove them back and then tell the teacher. I also took this opportunity to remind him of his friends that I knew were non-biters and how much he liked playing with them.
Now I know that some of the story may be a bit of three year old embellishment. And I know that this behavior is typical in daycares. But I don’t want my son to dread going to school. One of the kids he mentioned doing the biting is a repeat offender. I don’t want to be one of those mothers but I think my son has the right to go to school without fear.
I am sure some of you who read this are thinking – she told her son to push another child??? My son has always been very timid and shy. I am trying to teach him to stand up to himself. Perhaps telling him to shove another kid probably wasn’t the best solution but Momma Bear was coming out.
So I am looking for advice. How should I handle the three year old bullies?
I know God is trying to teach me a lesson; I am just not a very good student. Patience has never been one of my strong points. My little boy has made me improve my patience greatly. As I wait for him to get in his car seat and he is distracted by every toy, book, and speck of trash in the floor board of my car. As I wait and remind him of every task he needs to do when he goes potty. As I wait for him to focus and finish his meal. But while I am better about adjusting to LPT (Little People Time), it is my life goals that I have issues. As I mentioned in an earlier (OK my only other post) that my work situation is in a bit of turmoil right now. I am waiting on half the building to get back from Spring Break so they can discuss what to do with me.
The second waiting game I am playing is for another baby. My “game plan” was to get pregnant last summer and have another baby this spring. The kids would be three years apart – perfect. Well, got pregnant in July and had a miscarriage in September. I know that baby just wasn’t meant to be. I am ok with it, most of the time. I am sure the end of next month, which would have been the baby’s due date, I won’t be ok.
When I got pregnant with my son it was a surprise – wonderful surprise – but yes a surprise. So we weren’t trying. With the pregnancy I miscarried, I got pregnant the second month. So after I had the miscarriage I thought we’ll wait the suggested three months and try again. I thought I don’t have any troubles getting pregnant, I am a fertile momma. Well five cycles later, no baby. Plus I have been having strange symptoms from ovulation until my period starts. So I went to the doctor this morning to see what my issue is. They are checking hormones, thyroid, etc. But she told me it sounds as though my body and hormones still aren’t back in line from being pregnant and I need to wait. If I am not pregnant in the summer, they will start looking into options to expedite things. And yes I know it is in God’s hands. If I am meant to have another baby it will happen. I know four years between kids isn’t a bad gap. And I know if I don’t have another child I do have a wonderful, healthy son for whom I am grateful. But all of this is not MY plan and I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to have doubts that I will not be able to get pregnant. So it goes back to learning patience. God has His work cut out.
Well, I guess I should start off saying a little bit more about me than what the description says. I currently work for in the corporate headquarters of a financial company and recently my duties have been reassigned to another area. I am fortunate that my boss' boss and his boss have said I still have a job - which I am very thankful for. Trust me; I know I am thankful to have a job right now even if I feel very disenchanted at the moment. So where does that leave me??? With nothing to do. Hmmm...weird predicament at work I know. The powers that be above me are scratching their heads trying to figure out what to do with me. I have no idea what my new assignment will be. So in the meanwhile, I come to work read blogs and feel depressed. There was a common theme in the blogs I have read, Blogging is Therapeutic. Now I will say I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination. I am a number cruncher. I write and say things bluntly. I am also someone who doesn't share emotions too well. OK, I suck at it. So I am hoping by anonymously blogging I can break down some of the barriers I build up inside.
Enough of the work stuff, now the important stuff. My family. My husband and I married after a whirl-wind courtship. Engaged after five months. Married five months after that. Twenty eight days before my wedding I hadn't gotten my period in a while and was felling a bit off. Surely I couldn't be pregnant, I was on birth control. Surprise. Luckily we were planning to start trying immediately after the wedding. In the four and a half years we have been together we have survived a wedding, three moves, built a house, had a baby, survived colic, multiple health issues with parents, a miscarriage, kidney stones, heat stroke and we are still together. I do have an amazing husband. He was a 44 year old bachelor when we met. And I must say he has adjusted to his new life pretty well. He is a great father and a wonderful husband. AND he does housework!
My little boy is the light of my world. He is three and loves his mommy. He is very bright and extremely cute - no, I am not biased. I am fortunate that my company has a daycare here on site. I love the fact that I know the director of the daycare and her boss. I know all of the teachers and most of the other parents. And I can pop in on him whenever I want. While I do feel guilty time to time about not being the stay at home mommy, I know that if I were at home with him, he wouldn't be learning what he learns at daycare. And before any mothers who work inside the home get upset I am of the belief that some moms are very good at teaching their children at home. I just don't think I am one of them. Not saying I don't teach my child either. I think he gets a good balance. I hope.
One of the other reasons for blogging, besides the cheap therapy, is I keep searching for working mother blogs and didn't see too many of them. Every mommy blog I read were stay at home mothers. Something I could relate to, others I couldn't. And a lot of the blogs and articles on parenting make me feel let's just say less than adequate. So if you are a working mom and less than perfect I hope we can share a common, less than perfect bond.
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